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Coping
with the loss of a loved one is tiring and difficult. This grief
publication discusses “What is Coping?” “Ways to Cope with Lose,”
“Adjusting to Loss,” “Suggestions for Helping Yourself through
Grief,” and “Coping Exercises.” A suggested reading list and
worksheet are also included.
What
is Coping?
Coping
is a normal part of living with a loss. It is the struggle you go through
every day to meet your own needs and the demands of your new situation.
The struggle is to cope well, rather than in unhealthy and destructive
ways. Coping in a good way might include maintaining your faith, finding
value in being around others, or just doing better than you did yesterday.
Ways
to Cope with Loss
Everyone
reacts differently to loss. It is important to find ways to cope that will
work for you. Here are some simple suggestions:
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Talk to a friend about your feelings.
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Read.
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Soak in the tub.
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Take a walk.
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Listen to music.
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Meditate.
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Find, strengthen, or reestablish your spirituality.
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Do something for someone else.
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Make a memory scrapbook.
Adjusting
to Loss
Adjusting
starts when you accept the loss and become determined to live beyond it.
Believing you can create a new life for yourself may not be easy.
Suggestions
for Helping Yourself through Grief
Accept
you grief. Remember it is a natural healing process.
Learn
about grief. Understanding grief can help you know that what you are going through is
normal.
Write
about your loss. Keeping
a journal is not for everyone, but it can be powerful in helping people to
heal.
Accept
your feelings. Grief
has many feelings, some very strong. Accept them, and they will help you
learn about yourself and the meaning of your loss.
Pace
yourself; grief takes energy. A
slower pace mixed with periods of play and mild exercise can help you
heal.
Cry
about your loss. Tears
can relieve a lot of pressure. Learn to trust your body’s need to cry
and not to cry.
Involve
yourself in work or meaningful activities. It
can help maintain direction, control, and purpose, and it can occupy your
mind.
Think
about your loss. Relive
experiences in your thoughts.
Talk
about your loss. There
is more release in talking about your loss. You may need to tell the same
stories over and over as part of your healing process.
Do
not be afraid to have fun. Laughter
is a good medicine.
Take
care of your health after your loss. Do
your best to eat right and get enough rest. If you are due for a physical
exam or have put off a health screening, make an appointment. Exercise can
release a surprising amount of tension, anger or frustration.
Coping
Exercises
Falling
Leaf
Instructions:
Stare at a spot on the wall across from you. Visualize a leaf on that
spot. With each breath, count backward from 20 to 1 as you watch the leaf
very slowly drift to the ground. At 1, the leaf reaches the ground and you
are deeply relaxed.
Progressive
Muscle Relaxations –
Instructions:
Only tense the muscle in one area. Do not overstress the muscle.
A.
Take three deep breaths.
Relax your stomach.
B.
Tense each muscle group for a
few seconds at a time, then relax for several seconds. Focus on the
difference between the muscle when tense and when the muscle is relaxed.
1.
Feet: toes and ankles.
6. Shoulders.
2.
Calves.
7. Arms: upper,
lower,
fists
3.
Thighs.
8. Neck.
4.
Hips.
9. Face and scalp.
5.
Stomach.
Suggested
Reading
List
Safe
Passage
By Molly Fumia. Conari Press, 1992
A
Time to Grieve
By Carol Staudacher. Harper
San Francisco
, 1994
Remembering
with Love
By Elizabeth Levang.
Fairview
Press, 1992
This
brief exercise can be best used to help you cope with grief.
I will find my own
sources of support and use them.
Now
is a good time to ask, “What really comforts me?” Family and friends
may have good intentions about what is helpful. But you need to decide
what is best for you.
Care
for your own needs first. Your body, mind, and spirit are a team; allow
them to work together and try not to ignore any area.
You
may find a need to deepen your faith, since spirituality can be a source
of hope and comfort for some.
Counseling
may be a healthy choice for some people. Take it as a sign of good health
if you choose to get involved with counseling and/or a support group.
Remember:
The most loving thing you can give to
the loved one you lost is being true to yourself.
Things
that can help me cope at present:
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